Some small business owners aren’t just using social media for marketing. We’re also part of online forums or social groups related to our professions. We go to these sites for advice, learning opportunities and camaraderie. But what happens when someone asks a group a question to gain their input and the conversation goes from generating great ideas and support to something-not-so-nice?

We’ve all been there. Someone gets slightly off topic and before you know it, snide comments are being passed around as freely as canapés at a cocktail party. And then someone else introduces religion, or politics, and the whole thing blows up.

But what’s worse is when the group’s moderator makes no attempt to rein in the escalating one-upmanship and the person who asked the original question suddenly decamps. A few hardy souls attempt to get the conversation back on track by pointing out that the original question had nothing to do with religion or politics and could we all get back to THAT discussion instead?

But several participants are now engaged in full-blown sarcasm overload. People are only interested in one thing: I am Right and you are Wrong – And by the way, you’re going to Hell because you’re so Wrong.

Individuals who showed up for insightful conversation abandon ship. Others who are just arriving and have not stopped to actually scroll through the comments find themselves in a deer-in-the-headlights moment.

It’s no longer a conversation. Its Trollville. Because it’s one thing to agree to disagree on a topic, but it’s another thing entirely when some people just won’t or can’t let go of the argument. Guy Kawasaki made some good points about this in a recent article.

As business owners we join groups to cultivate relationships with fellow professionals. But some folks seem to join groups because they are looking for an argument; they enter into every conversation dragging their soapboxes with them because they have grievances to air. And they will find a way to do so in any forum.

Most of us are quite capable of maintaining positive relationships with our peers when we agree to keep the conversation focused on the matter at hand. They support our efforts as we support theirs. So why bother buying into someone else’s desire to argue when the situation arises? Why indulge a momentary need to be more “right” than someone else at the risk of losing the respect of our peers?

What are some ways we can handle group conversations that take a negative turn?

1. Politely attempt to get folks back to the topic at hand.

2. Ask the moderator to step in. Support their efforts to get the conversation on track.

3. Disengage. Be the bigger person. Someone else’s sarcastic comments do not require a response. What’s the payoff for engaging in an online argument? Ego? Hmm. That’s a walk away answer.

4. Remember, what we say online, stays online.

5. Breathe! Who we converse with online are folks we’ve often never met. Are we going to engage in one-upmanship with a virtual stranger? In front of other professionals? Really?

6. Do not vent on Facebook or Twitter or LinkedIn, etc. Vent offline to someone trustworthy.

7. Laughter is a great way to regain one’s perspective. Find something funny outside of the situation and move on. And remember, there is a Humor section on Pinterest.

When we engage in a conversation within a shared interest social group, we can always be more self-aware. It’s one thing to have an opinion. It’s another to behave as if it’s the only opinion that matters. In a recent article about arguing, Rita J. King, EVP, Science House, discusses how it’s important to recognize when we are reacting to someone’s comments rather than taking a moment to try to understand their viewpoint. If we are reacting, we are often jumping to conclusions which may not always be right, or useful, to the group’s conversation. And if that is occurring, the only thing either side actually hears is “blah, blah, blah”, which keeps the argument moving forward instead of the conversation.

The line between professional and personal behavior becomes blurred when we let our egos do the talking; so let’s un-blur that line by contributing to meaningful conversations and disengaging from the ones that lead to trouble.